"I have to wear so I don't get concussed."

 

"As long as its the Brendan Leonard Show, I'll always win. If it were the Robbie Karver Show, I would still win. The Ryan Turner show, I don't know. I might still will. I don't know. And we'll never know, because they'll never get their own shows....suckers."

 

"My friends call me B-dog, Bee Wax, Be Smooth, and Susan."

 

"If your girlfriend's mad at you, you must be a horrible person."

 

"If I were you I'd wear a paperbag and stay in your room for the rest of your life."

 

"The key to a successful relationship is the four L's: Love, loathing, listening, and lemurs..."

 

"Your inability to make your special someone feel special makes me want to vomit."

 

"You can't spell Love-Hate relationship without Love."

 

"How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice. Call me"

 

"I'm gonna take you to the house. Right to the house."

-Sheehan

 

"If I was a spaceship, I might go to your planet"-Carney

 

"We got bacon for your walk home."-Ryan

 

"I thought you said, 'Have you seen my tartar sauce.'"

-Bodan

 

"Your eyes make me want to eat onions, and that's saying a lot, cause I'm lactose intolerant. When you talk I wanna put those pretty words in a pouch and auction them on an online auction because you're a fast talker. You make me want to be a better reader. You're nice in a non-threatening way."-Carney's love poem

 

"You are a train wreck. You're absolutely hideous, but I like your moxie."-Carney to Sam

 

"Those look a little big"-Sam

"You're a big girl...I didn't mean that. I meant big, like, fat"-Carney